no longer depressed
no longer suicidal.
no longer having regular mental breakdowns.
no longer living in anxiety.

but so lost. so very lost.
money driven.
no point in existence.
selfish.

lost my vision. lost my interests.
no friends. no crew.

doing it for an image.
an illusion. short-lived image.
no true purpose.
no true goal.
no true reason.

no family.
no boyfriend.
no friends.
no love.
no attention.

I wish I wasn’t so fucked up in the head as a young child. I wish I had enough love to keep me from going insane deep inside. I wish I was naive. I wish I could relate to my peers.

I’m having trouble with social interaction. I don’t have anything to talk about or relate to my co-workers with. I’m not funny. I’m not fun to be with. I’m not energetic and playful. I’m too serious and uptight. I can’t fucking relate to anyone my age.

my family is pure shit. there is no sense of family. my dad and mom should get a divorce.

I want to sleep for eternity. Let my existence carry on in an alternate universe.

Money is the objective.
But I barely have anything left over at the end of every month.
I don’t know anymore.

There are many times when I have no choice but to physically keep a certain distance from people because if I don’t they brush up against, accidentally elbow, or touch my breasts.

I’m tired it keeping distance from people. Keeps me from being included sometimes. Sigh.

I hate, fucking hate, when my breads become the center of attention in conversations or passing jokes at work. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

It’s embarrassing and I hate when males and females do it. I don’t know which is worse honestly. When males do it it speaks in loud volume how little and disrespectful they are.

When females do it it shows they would “fit in the mold” and succumb to join males in making jokes about my breasts rather than defending my womanhood as fellow women.

I am so fucking annoyed.